Elfin safety (Part II)

Sorry to do this, and I will not make a habit of it. I promise. But sometimes a link to someone else’s comic flair is better than anything I have to say at the end of a hard day’s work in school, and this one is pure genius. Enjoy: a parody on the Indiana Jones spirit of adventure, which is ideally to be enjoyed from an armchair but not experienced in real life. Because elfin safety is now destroying school trips for millions of kids in English schools. School trips in the UK have been decimated by absurd risk assessment requirements and the threat of individual legal action against teachers if a child trips over a kerb on a trip.

Just enjoy this for a minute. It seems an exaggeration, but in every respect it is 100% true. Never mind the Amazon, you couldn’t take the kids down the road to visit the parish church without a prohibitive pile of paperwork assessing the likelihood (in precise percentage terms) of being attacked by a demented sexton with a handbell. (“Guess the weight of handbell that might be used in such a putative attack and tick the appropriate box.”)

Suffice to say, in a Spanish school, if you take the kids on a school trip to the country everyone is quite relaxed about the idea of the bus arriving home with three missing: two gored by wild bulls and a third eloped with a goat, having never seen one before and going through that difficult fourteen-year-old thing with the hormones.


About Gareth Thomas

After a mixed career as an aircraft technician, London fringe theatre playwright, Franciscan friar, and secondary school teacher, I find myself dividing my time mostly between looking after the needs of four donkeys in a remote location in the mountains in the Costa Blanca and preparing a legal case against the corrupt management of my monstrous last employer - the Elians group - for unfair dismissal. I like to hear the wind in the pine trees. I do not like struggling to get a duvet into a duvet cover. My musical tastes are extinct and I have mostly given up cycle racing.
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One Response to Elfin safety (Part II)

  1. Karin says:

    God but this makes me feel…better!! I thought our parents etc were the only paranoid ones!! We’re not alone!! Just love the …ohhh I’m afraid folk!! They never can tell quite what it is their afraid of…they’re just…afraid……

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